Different Types of Timewaster
And, how not to be one.
We all know about deliberate and blatant timewasters – though, we often assume timewaster = someone who books a session and doesn’t show, or overmilks a conversation without a firm booking. Or pretends to have bought something from a Wishlist (perhaps even buys, sends ‘proof’ then cancels the order)
They know exactly what they’re doing.
Sadly, there’s no fool proof net, but I think most people have learnt a lot of the behaviours with timewasters and/or tried to minimise the impact.
i.e. taking deposits before confirming a booking, or discussing further details. Waiting for gifts to arrive. Etc.
I think there seems to have been a bit of a rise of timewasters lately (edit : it seems to have dipped again, but at the start and end of the summer, when I drafted this, it seemed to go nuts), it seems to have dips and troughs – possibly linked to holiday periods. But, some, I’d like to give the benefit of the doubt (ha!) that they’re not deliberate timewasters, but can sharp get mistaken (ha!) for one and ultimately not get what they want.
I’m not asking for the Ladies to give these guys the benefit of the doubt. I’m asking for the guys to think “Am I ultimately wasting Her time, here?”
So. Here are some different types of timewaster, try not to be one of them (and, I guess, for new Ladies, some traits that may not be worth your time)
Although this is bias towards Pro-Domme, I feel a lot of this is transferable. I’m sure every woman on social media has had a message, at some point, from a guy who “just wants to talk” who really just wants to masturbate.
My list is non-exhaustive. But, I realised this was getting a bit long and saw the irony in wasting everyone’s time reading a blog about timewasters.
THE FREE CONSULTATION
The guy claims to be interested in booking a session, but wants a 5 minute chat to “see if we click”
If challenged, his side of the story will be that he wants to make sure it is right before spending money.
The problem : This 5 minute chat is 5 minutes of Her working day that She is not getting paid for. If every prospective client wants this, She could spend 1-3 hours talking to people who don’t book a session, or have no intention of booking a session, which is time that could be spent on a number of other things (preparing for actual sessions, admin, promotion, accounts, etc)
How not to waste time : I fully endorse the idea of researching someone before booking a session, but, mostly for your own safety and that it’ll be in-line with your expectations. You are booking a session, not committing to spend the rest of your life with someone. If someone interests you, but you’re not quite sure – why not book a 5-10 minute Skype, AdultWork or IM chat where you pay per minute and chat for as long as short as needed at a cost relatively low to the session cost.
See also : Those who use up their free 5 minutes on AdultWork and keep coming back every couple of days without ever sliding into paid chat. The purpose of the free 5 minutes is largely to discuss interests for the paid time.
There are many different ways to do this – but, for example, contacting multiple women whether it’s via DM or in response to public social media posts. This of course has mixed opinions and some women might be quick to block or start ignoring, others may engage in chatter.
The problem : The intention was never just a casual comment or to show someone you are interested, it’s basically fishing for a reaction, and almost playing women against each other.
How not to waste time : Before pressing send, ask yourself, “does this contribute anything to Her?” and it might be you think, “Yes, it tells Her I like Her outfit, or that She is pretty” or other kinds of non-beneficial compliments. And if you really think it’s necessary to hit send, next up think to yourself “how many times have I told Her recently anyway and how many other people have I said it to today?” and be self-aware of how it comes across to another woman who would scroll down Her feed and find you’d said the same thing to 15 people that day.
Research someone using their website, clips, reading their blog, to see if they fit what you’re looking for, rather than just seeing who responds.
Ties in, but from the “You’re so pretty, Mistress” to the “Ahh… I won’t compliment Her looks, I’ll be clever… ‘I like Your outfit'”
The problem : It’s a cheap throw away comment. It has a value of nil. The next chapter of problem is that it also can tear the person between saying nothing and feeling rude and saying ‘Thanks’ only for some to think it entitles them to something or others to be encouraged to do it more often.
How not to waste time : Nobody is saying don’t compliment. Just be aware the value is nil. It owes you nothing and, again, if this is the 15th Mistress you have ‘complimented’ today it looks like you’re fishing for a reaction.
Mistress seems cool, so the guy slides into DMs for a chat. Maybe She will reply. Maybe not. But he will persist anyway.
The problem : This one is very contextual. I suppose for the sake of argument we’re talking two people who’ve never met and of whom money has never changed hands (mind, even if you have met or have gifted doesn’t mean you’re entitled to anything) so in most cases She will not generally fancy-a-chat but maybe replies to humour you or to avoid you being overly persistant. Maybe she doesn’t and hopes you’ll get the hint. She’s not your friend, nor owes you anything and every minute She is spent on you is not on Her business.
How not to waste time : Ask yourself if you know the person, are you friends, is this message exchange ultimately “free entertainment” for you (whether you lie to yourself and claim it’s “getting to know Her” or not) and yeah, if it’s for you and if you really want that chat… paid IM session.
THE BUSINESS ADVISOR
“If you charged less you’d get more business” is a common trope. Ditto for suggestions on “introductory discounts”
The problem : You’re not *actually* a business advisor. You don’t know the industry as well as the Woman who has been in it for years. It is true that some Mistresses offer discounts or special offers, but the difference is this is an industry they know and they have costed and priced up the ‘offer’ with a measurable view of what they hope to make. This works when it’s put out from a business, not when dictated by the customer. I can’t give a short answer to the “if you charged less you’d get more business” fallacy, but, remember that expenses and overheads don’t decrease if someone lowers their prices.
How not to waste time : Basically. Shut the fuck up. If you actually know the Mistress and are discussing ideas to make Her more money, that is different – but otherwise you’re not offering ‘advice’ you’re being cheap.
So many variations. “Your tribute says £150 per hour, but with it being short notice can we do it for £100?” or “If we only did this could it be cheaper?” or “Would you throw in a free clip?” or so many.
The problem : Prices are what they are to consider overheads and how much needs to be spent to make a living.
I have, sometimes, seen Mistresses advertise “I’ve a cancellation tomorrow – so, discounted rate available” – but that’s, again, Her terms. Mistresses generally don’t sit in a dungeon all day dressed up waiting for business – even a same day session is going to usually rely on booking a premises and arranging transport, so the mentality that “a lower rate is better than no rate” from the buyers perspective is usually wrong. Instead of meeting you for nominal, if any, profit, there’s a whole bunch of stuff She can do instead. Especially as agreeing in this occasion will lead to others trying.
How not to waste time : If you want to haggle, why not go shopping in Tunisia? Haggling is expected there.
THE CARROT DANGLER
Easy. “Mistress, if You talk to me (or whatever) THEN I will buy a gift, book a session, whateverthefuckelse”
The problem : It’s back with the free consultation scheme above. She has to give Her time for free in the hope you’ll later pay for it.
How not to waste time : Gift. Deposit. Whatever. First…
I’D DO ANYTHING
“I would be your slave Mistress, I’ll do anything”
The problem : You’ve already shown you won’t. Like, you won’t read Her website, or send tribute/gift or go and understand how BDSM actually works. Also, in reality, what do you expect Her to say? “Oh, I always wanted a slave like you… come pack your bags and be my live-in slave” and at that point, are you really selling up your home to go move in with a stranger? Hmm. I don’t think you’re being serious.
How not to waste time : Go research BDSM. Watch some Porn and have a wank. Whatever.
OFFERS THAT ARE NOT
So also see – offers of cleaning house, or driving someone places
The problem : These are tired tropes. These are your fantasies, not stuff beneficial to Her. The value of what you offer is lower than the value of what you expect. Among anything else – do you have insurance? Training in COSHH and RIDDOR? Your standard car insurance doesn’t cover chauffering…
How not to waste time : Ask yourself – why would She want a stranger wandering around Her house, going through Her things.
THE LOST “I just want someone to show me the way”
See also – I want to try to be a sub.
You know, “I’m new to all this”, “I don’t know where to start”, “Please show me the way”
Just lacking direction and waiting for a Mistress to bundle the lost little puppy in Her arms
The problem : Oh. We could be here a while. I’ll try to keep it brief. (a) there is no “the way” – there are lots of ways and so a Mistress can show you HER way, but that might be very different to another Mistress or indeed what you vision. (b) your own uncertainty doesn’t really mean you’re convinced with yourself if it’s for you or not. So others can put a lot of emotional investment into you only for you to find it’s not for you. Obviously this is always a risk, but moreso a risk when you’re not convinced yourself. (c) It is going to take a lot of work from Her and, well, on averages it won’t end with rewarding sessions. The effort required to be put into mentoring you is unlikely to yield rewards.
How not to waste time : Being new is fairly daunting and some people have more needs than others. Peer support in your own community, munches, etc. would probably work better in helping you know what you want rather than expecting a Mistress to do it for you. Read some blogs, watch some porn to see what makes you tick, learn about servitude. Boost your own knowledge. You don’t have to be a total expert in submission before you move on. But having a rough idea that you may enjoy a session and what you’d enjoy is a help.
There’s variences on that. But, the guy who has actually booked the session – including paid deposit – whom in his excitement feels the need to message the Mistress every day. Perhaps a ‘Good Morning’ text every morning at 6am when he gets up for work or constant messages about how excited he is (and maybe the session isn’t for 3 weeks so She has 20 odd more days of this!)
The problem : Your status before you booked a session has barely changed now you have. You’ve gone from “prospective client” to “future client”, message exchanges are unnecessary and add nothing – especially not frequent. Especially not 6am “Good Morning” messages. I think there is this balance between not wanting to be a pest and wanting to show you are excited – but, She does have other clients, personal subs, work, etc. who may have a touch more priority and you end up having more chance of annoying Her than exciting Her. (and no, an angry Mistress doesn’t mean ‘better play’)
How not to waste time : Again. Question if the communication is necessary. The day before, gush your heart out about how excited you are – but daily, your relationship hasn’t changed.
THE TIMEWASTER THAT SHOWS
Sometimes someone who shows up, has done everything seemingly right, paid deposits on time. Paid tribute on time. Arrived on time. Wasn’t annoying between confirmation and the day – so on – can still be a timewaster.
Simply by having not been honest… perhaps he requested a beating beyond what he could take, or strap on play with no prior experience.
The problem : The level of the problem is circumstancial again – but, if someone lied about experiences in the hope it would gain them a session, then it’s going to lead to other uncertainity of what else was lied about and so trust is going to be lost. There’s also of course the items were cleaned/prepared and will need to be cleaned/prepared again needlessly and that of course it affects the flow and idea of the session. While She still gets paid, it can still contribute to a disappointing experience.
Like. We’ve all had days at work where we’ve “got nothing done” and felt it was a waste of time despite being paid.
How not to waste time : Be honest about your experience and levels and this won’t be held against you. The reason you are asked is not because only the super-hardcore are approved, but because it tells the Mistress What equipment she needs to pack. No need bringing the super harsh canes or whips for a light/medium session (and no need to bring the light ones for a hard one) and stuff like anal play… sometimes it’s just a case of knowing if She needs to tell You how to prepare.
And, well, I know occasions with guys who’ve turned up nowhere near clean, which as well as being disgusting, it was on filming days so caused disruption to schedule while they got clean.
Just, well, don’t talk yourself up, FFS.
A FINAL WORD
Would you do this in any other business?
Let’s go through some of my examples and apply it to other businesses to see how ridiculous it actually is.
I mean, OK, someone selling you a kitchen might offer a free consultation, but, do you know the mark up on these?
I considered some work in my bathroom. A bathroom store quoted me something like £2000. A builder said that wholesale he could get the sink/bath/toilet for £200 all in and fit them in a day which works out at £500.
And obviously he makes profit off that. So, for their “free consultation” they make quite a margin.
But anyway. Let’s look at some other examples.
Walking into a restaurant and talking to the server for 5 minutes to see if you click and if you’d be happy them serving you food for 2 hours. Or maybe talking to the chef for 5 minutes, just to make sure you share the same passion for food.
Imagine going onto restaurant facebook pages and leaving comments on all their posts as they’re made
“We’re open this evening” and you’re like, “Oh, looking good”
“Come check out our new menu,” “Oh, that looks lovely.”
“We’ve 2 for 1 on cocktails”, “mmm, cocktails”
Yeah, no one is suddenly going to be like “You like all my posts, come in for a free feed”
~The Business Advisor~
You see a black cab, “How much to my house”, “£15”, “Fifteen quid, it’s only £10 with other firm”, “Well, use other firm then”, “I will. You’d get more business if you put your prices down”
Except he wouldn’t.
Whilst you might have jumped in if he’d said £12. His petrol costs wouldn’t have decreased, the rates and insurance he pays won’t decrease, if your house is £15-away then in the time he’s away he could have done a couple of shorter trips. And that, yeah, maybe more people would use black cabs if the rates were lower but it’s still there through convenience and his expenses are still there.
I did touch this may apply in a market in Tunisia, or at a car boot sale. But again.
Fill your trolly in a supermarket. £50.
“Fifty pounds? I’ll give you £40 for it.”
“No, the bill is £50.”
“Well, in ALDI it’s £35”
“Then why didn’t you go to ALDI?”
“£40 or I’ll put it all back”
“£50… or I call security”
~The Carrot Dangler~
I’m going to pick on my taxi driver again.
“If you drive me home for free today, I may tip you and, may book you in the future”
~Offers that are not~
“If you gave me a meal to the value of £30, I will wash dishes for an hour, which I probably won’t do as well as the pot washers you pay £8 per hour”
Imagine booking an apointment to see a mortgage advisor and then phoning every day for no reason other than to say “good morning”!
So, as you can see. You wouldn’t do this in any other industry. I’m sure you’re not deliberately attempting to waste people’s time (he says naively) but inadvertadly you are and this becomes negative against you and may result in you being blocked and ignored and thinking it’s you that is the victim.
So. Some of this I don’t think can be said enough, sometimes context varies. But, aye, guys… try not to be a timewaster.